It hurts to breathe.. it hurts to continue living. I wanted her happy, and I thought I made her happy. Yet in the end she didn't know... I hated doing it.. I hated sitting here wondering how much longer I could hold onto something that wasn't really even mine. I'd like to say I regret it all.. but the thing is, I never could. I could never regret someone like her. I loved her, I still do, but it couldn't continue. It can't continue while she doesn't know what she wants. She's only a year younger than me in age, but our mental states... they're completely off balance. I'm so afraid to fall asleep because I know in the morning I won't want to wake up. I won't want to live without her in my life in some way. I try to be strong.. I try to but a face in front of every one so they won't know the pain I feel inside, but it's not working, not this time. She wanted to know why I never said anything before tonight. How could I? I wanted to believe nothing was wrong. I wanted to stay in my happy little world where nothing bad was happening.. and the moment I stepped out of my safe haven the walls broke down. how can I go on when I can't even dry my eyes? I hate emotional breakdowns, I really do. I hate seeming like I'm so weak. I hate being seen like this.